I wrote this and shared it with a few friends back in 2015. Here it is newly edited!

We need to establish centers, very special places, where women can go when hormones flare, firing up our emotions, clouding or sharpening our minds, and turning us into philosophical weeping rainstorms or quick-to-anger tornadoes. Understood to the world as the PMS Center, every town, big and small should have one, a hallowed ground for women to be themselves and honor this most natural phenomenon. The PMS acronym—triggering positive connotations instead of the old insults and status-lowering jokes—could stand for a number of things: 

• Peaceful Menstrual Sanctuary

• Positive Manor of Serenity

• Personal Magnification Shrine

• Palace of Marvelous Solitude

In this Center, an architecturally rich building surrounded by abundant, meandering gardens, women can enjoy the company of a supportive and sympathetic community or be on their own in comfort, resting and reflecting and making the most of this week of internal transition. 

Community activities include non-stop chatting sessions, using as much foul language as required, with no one calling it complaining or blabbering—the word “bitch” is not allowed to be applied to any woman in the center—meditation rooms, live comedy (with absolutely no jokes about women-drivers), and a variety of dance parties including disco with the girls and salsa and swing-dancing with Sanctuary-sanctioned partners with manners and good hygiene. 

There are art rooms where women can make jewelry, pottery, paintings, and crafts of all kinds. There are exercise programs in the gym with no pressure whatsoever to participate or look a certain way, and outside there is hiking, gardening, yoga, and the special archery range, where women can personalize their targets. And of course, there is a business center for women who prefer to just get on with it but in comfortable clothes with ample support. 

An add-on service: You can hire the PMS legal negotiation staff to represent you in increasing your earnings so they are equal to men doing the same job. Unfortunately, this is still not guaranteed. You would think it would be by now, wouldn’t you?

Very popular are the Sanctuary Destruction Room ™, where women can throw dirty dishes against a brick wall instead of forever washing them, and the Sanctuary Shopping Mall. Women receive Sanctuary Cents ™ at the door to spend on whatever you want and value. The “Mall” contains lots of donated new and vintage clothing, shoes, high thread-count sheets, beauty supplies, more shoes, jewelry, cool gadgets, books, fun knickknacks, home décor, you name it. There are always 75% off racks! It is designed for ultimate satisfaction.

In the private quarters, as well as on the grounds, women can be themselves, dress how they like, think their own thoughts, and scribble over the photos of people that really bug them using permanent markers, if they so choose. 

All rooms are filled with pillows, good books, music, candles, flowers, and fireplaces. They are beautifully decorated, completely Feng Shui, and you can redecorate them while there, the way we’d like our own homes to look if it wasn’t for budgets, lack of time, children, spouses, and the need for sleep. 

There is an indoor spa and outdoor hot tubs, Jacuzzis for quiet time with a glass of wine, and others where chatting can continue uninterrupted.

Facials, pedicures, manicures, and massages are always available, as are therapy sessions with really good therapists! There is always someone to listen to you at the PMS Center. 

Feeling like withdrawing socially? No problem! Crying uncontrollably? Feeling tense or depressed? Can’t concentrate? Tired and tender? We understand. This is just part of the natural process. Your feelings and experiences will be validated.

No woman has to clean up after themselves or others at the Sanctuary. Women can order ANYTHING they want from the Sanctuary kitchen, eating in the fabulous restaurant on white tablecloths with candlelight, in the more casual ivy-walled courtyard or anywhere in the Center. On hand for self-service in the kitchen are 100 flavors of ice cream, as much freshly prepared sushi as one can eat, and 232 different types of chocolate.

Of course, there are margaritas available too, 24/7. However, we realize alcohol intolerance can be part of the experience for some women, so we have many delicious non-alcoholic alternatives.

Women have access to a wide variety of movie and television entertainment, including feel-good movies and classic tearjerkers, including My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, Pretty Woman, Sleepless in Seattle, Kissing Jessica Stein, Amélie, Notting Hill, and When Harry Met Sally.

In the Sanctuary, if you are in pain, have headaches, uncomfortable bloating, an acne flare-up, constipation, we will help you to get through it. Women are never “just tolerated.” They are never told they are “overreacting.” They aren’t told they are imagining things or to push through it or that perhaps they’ve just been under a lot of stress lately. These attitudes are not permitted on the grounds.

No, in the Sanctuary, a women’s menstrual cycle is treated for what it is: an incredibly important time when a woman’s body is working its ass off!! 

At the Sanctuary we are renaming PMS (premenstrual syndrome), because it is not a syndrome, implying it is an ailment or a malady and that what a woman is going through is negative. Far from it! We know that every month, women’s bodies go through the preliminary steps of PREGNANCY, whether it’s carried through or not! Think about it. Creating an egg and an internal nest inside you, where that egg could be fertilized and start growing very rapidly into a human fetus, that draws a lot of resources from a woman’s body and mind! A menstrual cycle is the result of a hormonal dance between the pituitary gland in the brain and the ovaries.

The Women in Balance Institute reminds us of this fact:

Periods impact half of the world’s population twelve times a year for four decades of their lives – that’s approximately 2,400 days of bleeding and that doesn’t count the things we experience during the rest of our cycles – and yet we can still be reluctant to talk about them.

What happens in that week that the medical community has termed PMS? 

Okay, so earlier in the month, estrogen and progesterone levels have risen. After the ovulation time—and with no fertilization—those lovely hormones steadily decrease, which can cause a decrease of serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that stabilizes mood, feelings of well-being and happiness. With estrogen low, the testosterone in our bodies has more influence. High testosterone can cause acne, aggressiveness, headaches, increased appetite, mood swings, insomnia, swelling and unexplained weight gain. So, you have this combo of less serotonin and more testosterone influence. Boom! 

And your body has to clean up the nest, flush it all out, get rid of that unfertilized egg to make room for another. It’s like having an entire cleaning crew inside your uterus.

At the Center, we also provide healthy alternatives for bleeding to make you more comfortable (cups, underwear, pads, cloths, warm baths). You do not have to hide the fact that it is happening. Everyone’s doing it. Your body has to.

At the PMS Center, we do not tolerate body shaming! And we help you learn to appreciate and love your bleeding, bloating, moody, constantly changing, beautiful female body.

Everyone at the Sanctuary understands that this time of the month is SACRED, absolutely sacred! A PMS-ing woman is going through a lot. She can also be her most insightful, creative, honest, intuitive self during this highly charged time of month. It’s an opportunity! It’s a treasure! It’s as real as it gets!

And it may require a lot of naps. And definitely some shopping.

Petition your town for a PMS Center today!